Are my relationship standards unrealistic?


By Kate Stager

Ah, the infamous checklist. The deal breakers, the must-haves and the hell no’s. Many people have their standards for what they want in a relationship, and what they want in another person. Some people have visions of what their lives would look like with a certain person in it, or maybe that’s just me. Expectations refer to the behavior we want from others. For example, if a woman expects a man to open the car door for him and he doesn’t, it could lead her to think he doesn’t respect women.

        Its glaringly obvious to me that setting standards is simply a defense mechanism: if you set the bar so high that no one can reach it, you won’t get hurt. I think something that holds all of us back is the fear of rejection. This is common with every person on this planet regardless whether or not they admit it. Our society today puts a big strain on judging people based on any flaws they might have. Snap judgments are easy to make, but not necessarily the best thing to do. You cannot possibly determine someone’s intelligence in 4 seconds.

        According to recent study, people want more from their relationships than ever before. Having incredibly high standards can affect the satisfaction you get out of the relationship. Most of the time these expectations and standards are set unconsciously, or adapted from the environment you are in. Expectations do not guarantee that we will get exactly what we are looking for, so we should allow our expectations to be guidelines, rather than hard-and-fast rules.